This is my life.

I have a new life plan. And I'm really excited about it.
I'm gonna move to Seattle and start a band up there, cause their music scene is brilliant. I'll live in a cheap little apartment and have a cheap little job that I can survive on. I'll go to school part time, and from there I'll let things happen. I'll have a crappy little car and shop for clothes at Goodwill. I'll spend time doing class work and writing songs in a park and coffee shops. It sounds like the perfect life for me, doesn't it?
I won't let things bring me down again. New slate, new grade, and I'm actually working on losing weight.
I love how my entries in LJ seem SO bipolar. In one, I am on the edge of suicide, and on the next I'm looking forward to life. I love it.

Don't you just fucking love how life kicks when you're down?

RIP Piper. You were a great pet and I loved you dearly.

Micki's right. I do dwell on it all. But how do I stop?
I've got a long way to fucking go, but at least I'm on my way.
I'm actually learning how to say what I'm feeling instead of penning it up.
I hope 10th grade is a lot better than 9th. Serio.

I just realized today is Nate's 18th birthday.
That's incredible.
I miss that boy so much. I've almost know him for a year now. But we never talk anymore.
I remember thinking about him all the time, talking to him every night, making jokes with him about stupid things, and spending four hours online just talking to him.
Today has been bad. It just got even worse now that I know I almost forgot about Nate's birthday.
How is it possible that I care so much about someone who I've never even met? Someone who I don't even talk to anymore. I don't know why thinking about him makes me so sad.
God damn.
Unfortunetly, he is the most significant boy I've ever had in my life. The brother I never had. My gay soulmate. He's the one who I could tell absolutley anything to. I went to him when Sarah and I hated eachother last summer. I made him a video, and he made me one.
I really am alone right now. Nobody can be here. They have lives, I don't.
It's just horrible when you realize that the only things keeping you alive are people who can't always be there, no matter how much they want to be.
[I feel fucking retarded for writing this. I honestly do.]

Sooo yeah. New LJ.
To be added just comment.